Obsessive love

*Meriam as a mom*

Meriam: Now that I'm a mom and know how much I love Eli...I just don't understand why you aren't obsessed with me!!

Toothless

*Meriam as a mom*

Shopping for essentials of what the baby will need when he comes home from the hospital...

Meriam: Will he need a toothbrush??

Phobia

Sam was trying to tickle Meriam along her collarbones

Meriam: Sam! Stop! You know I have a phobia of necks!!

*wtf?!?*

Matters of the heart

While getting prepped for gall bladder surgery the nurse was asking some health questions...

Nurse: Do you have a history of heart problems?

Meriam: Yes, I had Pleurisy when I was younger!

*wishing I was a fly on the wall to hear the conversation when she got back to the nurses desk*

Which came first...the bunnies or the eggs?

*Watching the movie Hop*

Meriam: Sooooo, bunnies don't lay eggs?

When is Governor's day?

Meriam: When do we vote for like the Governor? Is it the same as election day...or a different day?

Half Mast

One fine spring morning while we were driving around town ...

Meriam: "Why are all the flags at half mast? Is it because it's Easter and Jesus died?"

Pocket Etiquette

Meriam: Is it bad etiquette to eat a hot pocket with my hands?

Me: I think that's how they were meant to be eaten. Hence putting all the stuff in the "pocket"

Twins

Let me just preface this post with the fact that these two children are 4 years apart. However, they do have very similar personalities. With that being said, this was the conversation going on behind me while I was doing the dishes....

Meriam: Why do we get along so well?

Abu: I dunno.

Meriam : It's because we were friends before we were born.

Abu: (ponders) Maybe.

Meriam: Yeah, we're twins.

Abu: We aren't twins.

Meriam: Well we were supposed to be but we got separated before birth...I got left behind and was born later.

She continues...

Do you think we were sperm or eggs when we played together?? Personally I'd like to think we hung out in mom's ovaries over hanging out in dad's testes!!

So soon?

Yesterday our friends had a new, very adorable, baby girl.

Showing Meriam the pictures...

Meriam: Wait, her eyes are open this soon?? I thought it took like 3 weeks for them to open! 

Me: (sigh) Meriam...she's not a puppy!

Stevie Wonder

Meriam has had her first experience with having her eyes dilated. To protect her eyes she was given the nifty shades you see here.

Once we got in the car and were on our way home the sunlight was giving her a headache so she laid back and closed her eyes while I drove. This is how the next few minutes went: 

Meriam: You should call my dad.

Me: Ok.

I pick up the phone to call...

Meriam: Call my dad!

Me: I am.

Meriam: Well you should narrate what you're doing because I can't see.

eye roll 

Me: You can open your eyes you know.

she continues after talking to her dad.... 

Meriam: How do blind people do this? Do they see everything in black? How do they know what black is if they haven't ever seen colors? I feel like I am missing out on everything going on in the world because I can't see!

Me: You can still open your eyes you know.

Meriam: How do blind people entertain themselves if they can't see anything? What do they do for fun??

Silent pause because I really don't know how to answer or what to say...

Meriam (panicked): Hello?? Did you leave me???

Me: I'm driving the car!! Where am I going to go?? (head shake) Meriam, you can OPEN your eyes...

Prairie.....dog?

Meriam: Am I the only one in the world who didn't know what a prairie dog was?? I thought it was the little dog that followed the cows around on the prairie!

Childhood

Meriam: Did you play fetch with me when I was little?

Me: Nope, you weren't a dog...

Are you aware of Delaware?

Apparently some aren't aware...

Or slept through US History class. *sigh*

Tap That

This morning I cooked breakfast, french toast and pancakes. Looking in the fridge I found that we didn't have any syrup. So I pulled out 2 mini bottles of syrup - one from my trip to Minnesota last summer and the other that a friend brought me from her recent trip to Canada.

Meriam: I don't want to use these weird syrups!

Me: They aren't weird. They're the real deal, made from the maple trees in Canada and Minnesota.

Meriam: What?? This syrup is from trees? I am eating.... TREE JUICE??? eeewwww!

Me: That's what syrup is.

Meriam: I thought it was sugar, water, and flavoring.

Me: Yeah that's what it is if it is artificially flavored syrup.

Meriam: So you're telling me that if I grow a maple tree in the backyard I can make my own syrup?

Me: Yeah if you know how to tap it.

Meriam: Well.... how do I tap in to the system??

Me: (head shake)

Natural or Man-made

I was being sent to Minneapolis for business. In talking with Meriam about my trip the following conversation took place:

Meriam: I don't remember where Minnesota is. Is it north, south, east or what?

I open Google maps to show the United States and point to Minnesota

Me: It's right here.

Meriam draws a line with her finger between Utah and Minnesota

Meriam: Oh look, you will be flying past the state with the big mountain that has the faces on it. Will you see it from the plane?

Me: You mean Mount Rushmore. I don't know if I will see it or not.

Meriam: So were the faces man-made or are they natural?

Me: Natural. Millions of years ago God decided to make a mountain look like four people who he would later let be born in different years and all become United States presidents.

Meriam: Really??

Me: No. I am kidding. Of course they're man-made.

Playing God

(envision Meriam smashing a dozen ants or so on the counter with her fingertip)

Meriam: Oh sad, I just wiped out a whole human race!

Death by earthquake

Meriam is convinced, and fears, that we will all die in an earthquake, especially her. Any mention or news of an earthquake gets her all worked up about it.

I'm at work today when I get a call that goes like this:

Me: hello?

Meriam: Do we live in the Wasatch Front?

Me: Meriam I don't care about earthquakes right now, I'm busy.

Meriam: What makes you think this is about earthquakes??

Me: Because I know you.

Meriam: Ok, but I've been Googling it and we are due for a big one!

Me: I'm busy.

Meriam: Wait, two questions...

Me: Fine.

Meriam: Was our house built before 1975?

Me: I'm sure it was.

Meriam: Is the frame of our house wood or concrete?

Me: Wood

Meriam: Ohh great! We're double screwed!

Me: Goodbye!

20 minutes later I get a second call...

Me: Hello?

Meriam: What are your plans for Saturday?

Me: I'm not sure, why?

Meriam: Because Kayla and I are making exit plans in case of an earthquake and on Saturday we're going to have a drill. We're making emergency folders and are going to have a 3 day supply of food and clothes.

Me: (click)

Wiggle!

Meriam: I hate all the animated kid shows these days.

Oh! Except for the Wiggles!

Me: Umm last time I checked they weren't animated.

BFE Lot

We were leaving my office building and Meriam was cold and moving much faster than I was...

Meriam: Mom, where are you parked?

Me (pointing): Way out there in BFE!

(a short time passes)

Meriam: Mom hurry up! I'm cold and I don't get how your parking lot is labeled...which lot is BFE???