Tap That

This morning I cooked breakfast, french toast and pancakes. Looking in the fridge I found that we didn't have any syrup. So I pulled out 2 mini bottles of syrup - one from my trip to Minnesota last summer and the other that a friend brought me from her recent trip to Canada.

Meriam: I don't want to use these weird syrups!

Me: They aren't weird. They're the real deal, made from the maple trees in Canada and Minnesota.

Meriam: What?? This syrup is from trees? I am eating.... TREE JUICE??? eeewwww!

Me: That's what syrup is.

Meriam: I thought it was sugar, water, and flavoring.

Me: Yeah that's what it is if it is artificially flavored syrup.

Meriam: So you're telling me that if I grow a maple tree in the backyard I can make my own syrup?

Me: Yeah if you know how to tap it.

Meriam: Well.... how do I tap in to the system??

Me: (head shake)

Natural or Man-made

I was being sent to Minneapolis for business. In talking with Meriam about my trip the following conversation took place:

Meriam: I don't remember where Minnesota is. Is it north, south, east or what?

I open Google maps to show the United States and point to Minnesota

Me: It's right here.

Meriam draws a line with her finger between Utah and Minnesota

Meriam: Oh look, you will be flying past the state with the big mountain that has the faces on it. Will you see it from the plane?

Me: You mean Mount Rushmore. I don't know if I will see it or not.

Meriam: So were the faces man-made or are they natural?

Me: Natural. Millions of years ago God decided to make a mountain look like four people who he would later let be born in different years and all become United States presidents.

Meriam: Really??

Me: No. I am kidding. Of course they're man-made.

Playing God

(envision Meriam smashing a dozen ants or so on the counter with her fingertip)

Meriam: Oh sad, I just wiped out a whole human race!

Death by earthquake

Meriam is convinced, and fears, that we will all die in an earthquake, especially her. Any mention or news of an earthquake gets her all worked up about it.

I'm at work today when I get a call that goes like this:

Me: hello?

Meriam: Do we live in the Wasatch Front?

Me: Meriam I don't care about earthquakes right now, I'm busy.

Meriam: What makes you think this is about earthquakes??

Me: Because I know you.

Meriam: Ok, but I've been Googling it and we are due for a big one!

Me: I'm busy.

Meriam: Wait, two questions...

Me: Fine.

Meriam: Was our house built before 1975?

Me: I'm sure it was.

Meriam: Is the frame of our house wood or concrete?

Me: Wood

Meriam: Ohh great! We're double screwed!

Me: Goodbye!

20 minutes later I get a second call...

Me: Hello?

Meriam: What are your plans for Saturday?

Me: I'm not sure, why?

Meriam: Because Kayla and I are making exit plans in case of an earthquake and on Saturday we're going to have a drill. We're making emergency folders and are going to have a 3 day supply of food and clothes.

Me: (click)

Wiggle!

Meriam: I hate all the animated kid shows these days.

Oh! Except for the Wiggles!

Me: Umm last time I checked they weren't animated.

BFE Lot

We were leaving my office building and Meriam was cold and moving much faster than I was...

Meriam: Mom, where are you parked?

Me (pointing): Way out there in BFE!

(a short time passes)

Meriam: Mom hurry up! I'm cold and I don't get how your parking lot is labeled...which lot is BFE???

Crunchy Lemon Bars with Milk

Meriam: What time did you get home last night?

Me: Just after midnight, I stopped for milk on the way home.

Meriam: Really? (dramatic pause)

I didn't think we had any so I went to Grandma's for breakfast. They only had a weird off brand of fruitloops. They didn't even have a flavor, just a texture. Actually, that's not true. It had a hint of Lemon Bar flavor.

So basically I ate CRUNCHY lemon bars with milk...disgusting!